Seasons of…

March 1, 2009

Our guild in WAR is merging. So Insult to Injury will be no more on the Burlok server. We started as one of the largest guilds, though that was never our intention. A bunch of 25+ players with a casual outlook all banding together pre- and post-launch to enjoy WAR. Some we knew would only be in for a while, because of other commitments. Plenty didn’t find what they wanted in WAR. Including me for a while as I took in Moria. I think it’ll be the last time I create or join a guild pre-launch, and I’m personally happy with the merge. But, of course, it is a saddish moment in time. I’ll be logging on sometime today to get my invites to the new guild, and I do look forward to meeting them a little better, but for today, I’ll be in mourning for our loss.

In LotRO, two of my closest friends have left our guild. The first Watcher raid is scheduled for wednesday and I signed up for it, so I’ll be going. Mostly because I’d feel shitty about dropping out. But I feel a bit shitty anyway. I’m not very happy in the guild, but the unknown worries me also. I know I’m not very active in guild stuff anymore, and part of that stems from my blah-ness overall with everything that’s gone on. Of course, that’s balanced with the fact there are still many people I really enjoy chatting and grouping with in the guild.

I’m just not sure I can make my future there if I can’t shake off some of the things I’m feeling right now. Added to that, my younger sister is also in the guild, and I never want to do anything that makes things worse for her. But, I just can’t shake off some of the unhappiness. Have agreed to talk to a guild officer about it when I actually have some time online. And I will be giving the raid a chance, but I do know what my heart is telling me. To either make a decision or to take a break from LotRO, just as they release more content I want to see. Every time I’ve left a game, it’s come close after leaving a guild, or guild drama. And I know that two people leaving has already kind of pre-empted some of those feelings for me, whatever I do. I dislike confrontation and I dislike discomfort. And I’m not sure I can stay there and not feel these things. Suddenly I see why server moves are a useful offering, but then again, I want to be able to chat with my friends whatever happens.

Will this be the end to my LotRO? I feel in the middle of a bad situation. If it were solely down to me, I’d probably have left the guild a while back in a fit of anger. But I’m no longer angry, now I’m just sad and feeling no real urge to log on at all and deal with the situation. So, there. I wasn’t ever going to mention most of this. But it’s 5am on a sunday, and these things wrap around my brain and get replayed over and over. I can’t see a good way out. And I curse my female-ness, which I’m sure is a part of how I’m feeling.

One comment

  1. Awww 😦 Sounds like one of those “not earth-shattering but still bad enough to worry about a lot” kinds of things, where you feel bloody awful about something but what to do isn’t obvious.

    Bearing in mind I know nothing of the situation (if you wrote about it before, I’ve forgotten it — nothing personal, my brain is an equal opportunity sieve), from what you’re writing today it sounds as though you’re not quiiiiite sure you should run for the hills. So don’t, yet. Wait a bit. See what things look like in a couple of days or a week?

    One thing I’ve noticed is that sometimes when RL goes to the dogs (too much work, not enough work, health problems, etc etc) it’ll happen in my games too. If you’re on edge already, and I think you may be, your glasses may be a little too dark-tinged atm. Give it a bit? Yeah, I hate confrontation too, so waiting can be a viable option. 😉

    Meantime, hang in there.

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