August 26, 2009

Ok, so I haven’t come back and blogged properly. I almost certainly will at some point.

But right now I’m home and feeling a bit down in the dumps. But thanks for all the kind thoughts and comments, they really do mean a lot, even when I don’t reply. Which I do a lot.

Am playing LotRO almost exclusively. It’s where my main kin/guild is. It’s where my closest online friends play, and they definitely distract me from the blah-ness of everything else at the moment. Except, I know I’m starting to self-fulfil my despondency by being less than enthusiastic about things.

We raided. We did ok. I enjoyed bits of it. But not perhaps the traditional bits. And it made me feel a bit pointless in the grand scheme of things. Even though, I know I play an awesome Captain with a remarkably good sword (thanks to friends who got it for me while I was away!). I’m lucky, they’re a good bunch. And I treat them pretty shoddily on the whole.

Which makes me feel bad too.

And I know it’s all just a cycle of grief from my dad, and stress from having to think about his belongings, and wanting to go outside and scream a lot, but knowing it won’t help all that much. And they’re there for me, I just don’t want to push them away, and yet I can feel myself doing it as a defence mechanism.

Sometimes we’re strange alien people. And sometimes we blog about it.


  1. Like I’m sure lots of folks have said, there’s nothing wrong with feeling down about something once in a while. Despite the name of my blog I feel that way too. The key is not to let it rule your life to the point where it dictates how you feel from day to day.

  2. Per paragraph:

    Boo! *hugs*
    Boo! Come be an EQ2 touron. I won’t bug you, honest. (Much.)
    Meh. Raiding. Doesn’t beat a pint with mates.
    *hugs* You overthink people who love you.
    Yes. Screamalot – don’t go there, it’s only a model. (Actually, I think it’s gestalt therapy that says you probably *should* go out and scream. Or take up tai chi – worked for me.)
    Yay for aliens! Yay for blogging aliens!
    PS: *hugs*

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