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Update

August 26, 2009

Ok, so I haven’t come back and blogged properly. I almost certainly will at some point.

But right now I’m home and feeling a bit down in the dumps. But thanks for all the kind thoughts and comments, they really do mean a lot, even when I don’t reply. Which I do a lot.

Am playing LotRO almost exclusively. It’s where my main kin/guild is. It’s where my closest online friends play, and they definitely distract me from the blah-ness of everything else at the moment. Except, I know I’m starting to self-fulfil my despondency by being less than enthusiastic about things.

We raided. We did ok. I enjoyed bits of it. But not perhaps the traditional bits. And it made me feel a bit pointless in the grand scheme of things. Even though, I know I play an awesome Captain with a remarkably good sword (thanks to friends who got it for me while I was away!). I’m lucky, they’re a good bunch. And I treat them pretty shoddily on the whole.

Which makes me feel bad too.

And I know it’s all just a cycle of grief from my dad, and stress from having to think about his belongings, and wanting to go outside and scream a lot, but knowing it won’t help all that much. And they’re there for me, I just don’t want to push them away, and yet I can feel myself doing it as a defence mechanism.

Sometimes we’re strange alien people. And sometimes we blog about it.

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2 comments

  1. Like I’m sure lots of folks have said, there’s nothing wrong with feeling down about something once in a while. Despite the name of my blog I feel that way too. The key is not to let it rule your life to the point where it dictates how you feel from day to day.


  2. Per paragraph:

    Yay!
    Boo! *hugs*
    Boo! Come be an EQ2 touron. I won’t bug you, honest. (Much.)
    Meh. Raiding. Doesn’t beat a pint with mates.
    *hugs* You overthink people who love you.
    Yes. Screamalot – don’t go there, it’s only a model. (Actually, I think it’s gestalt therapy that says you probably *should* go out and scream. Or take up tai chi – worked for me.)
    Yay for aliens! Yay for blogging aliens!
    PS: *hugs*



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