September 11, 2009

I’ve been getting very angry lately at all kinds of minor things. I understand it’s a stage of grief, but I think I’ve now reached the end of my tether with myself. I’m not even angry half the time, I just sound it. Or I get angry for 1 min out of an hour and it affects everything. Anyway, it too will pass.

I did 4 full days of overtime, and now have a day off before I work saturday and then slip into my saturday-only pattern. Can’t wait.

Decided I’m really a one-game-at-a-time person, which is starting to affect how I think and feel about all games other than LotRO. I thought Secret World looked pretty and interesting and will definitely still follow it, but I can’t see it pulling me away from LotRO. Not at the moment. We’re starting to make headway in the current endgame raid (which we all call DN, because let’s face it, Tolkein-esque names are damn easy to misspell), and we regularly kill the Filikul Turtle (lame raid #1). I hope to return to The Watcher sometime, because I think we’re very close to killing it.

But I’ve been a bit bitchy in-game too, and moody, and absent. It’ll pass. Because I genuinely like the people and the game. But I realise most of it is me, I just can’t shake the sadness either. When my life regains some level of control and pattern, I think I’ll feel better all round.

One of the things I noticed about getting old…and no need to say I’m not, especially when people are asking what I plan to do for my 40th. Old. Definitely old. Anyway, so the thing I noticed is – change bothers me a little bit more than it once did. I like some kind of pattern to my daily life. And I’m a few days away from establishing my new pattern.

In-game I have a pattern too, I do crafting instances (and complain about why I’m doing them since I don’t need gold leaves), I chat in kinchat, but somehow don’t get involved in helping people as much as I used to. I wait for stuff to come to me and suggest itself. I know I need to motivate myself and do better. Maybe that’s the kickstart I need. I should organise some instance runs…



  1. *hug*

  2. /me hugs Idris and cheers her up

    Old at 40? And somebody just convinced me that life only begins when you reach 30… I guess they lied, eh? 😉

  3. I can say you aren’t old. I’d love to have a do-over starting back at 40! 🙂

    Anyway, kudos for having the smarts to be self-aware about why you’re getting angry more often than usual. Most people wouldn’t be that reflective.

    I hope you start feeling a bit more ‘yourself’ soon.

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